the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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