My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
