I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Boobs speak an international language.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
