pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
