brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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