I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
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just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
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today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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