I think I died a long time ago.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I think I won the penis lottery.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
