Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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