Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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