at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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