My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I skipped work to stalk him.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
