I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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