I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
