I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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