whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
