1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
