4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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