The maid of honor just puked.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
last night I used snow as a chaser
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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