Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
