dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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