The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
