Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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