dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize