I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
