You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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