Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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