I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
