i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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