you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
