he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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