Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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