You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
