u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
All I want is dick and wine.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
