News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
