I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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