I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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