I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
