Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
