I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
