It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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