Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
