I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
