I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
