i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
