My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
