i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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