how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
