I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
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I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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