I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
