"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
