im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My vagina just clenched in fear
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
