So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
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I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
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Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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