I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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