so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
