it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
