i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Even my vagina gasped.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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