i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
3pm strippers are depressing
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
