I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i drank out of a bidet.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
