Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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