So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
