i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
