I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize