I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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