I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Everything about him screamed your future.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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