tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
