I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
