I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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