just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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