I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
