you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Randomize
