i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
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you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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