I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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