I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
