I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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