last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
