ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize