does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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